KMxox13

now a blog with a title like this i know the first thing people would think of is.. how do you know when youre ready for sex? or how do you know when you are in love? but no i wanna know... how do you know if you have mono?

i havent felt like myself lately.. and today after church and helping my mom teach sunday school and stuff i was just so exhausted i went almost straight to my bed and fell right asleep when i got home.

and no i was not, not used to getting up that early on sundays and i was not not used to going from church to teaching and stuff. so no its not that i wasnt accustomed to that .. thank goodness this is the last week for this school year tho. otherwise idk how much longer my body can take it.

i know mono is "the kissing disease" but are there any ways you could just like wear yourself out soo much that you just ... well get it. bc im not saying i dont kiss people.. i mean i have been dating my boyfriend for over a year we do kiss each other. but he's not sick and im not sick. well i wasnt at least. but i never sleep in.. like saturdays and sundays are supposed to be a teenager's chance to sleep in and catch up on the sleep they lack duing the school week... i dont do that. i wake up by 8ish on saturdays so i can go to the gym before i go to dance class and then on sundays ive been waking up a little before 7 to be able to shower and get ready for 730 mass. and of course every weekday i get up by 6 so i have enough time to get ready and get to the bus stop.

i think thats why im like this.. which most people would say.. then its not mono.. but idk it might be. my throat does hurt.. im really tired.. i dont feel as strong or energetic.. and i havent been eating much.. in comparison.. i mean im not starving myself or anything.

idk mayb its all in my head but in my books all these signs point to mono.. and i really just wanna know i guess... if anyone can help me out plz do. thanks!

im starting a new hobbie type thing.. something im going to start to do regularlyish. im gonna take random cool photos ... mostly random and some staged .. some i just happen upon and get to look really cool. but yeah. if you wanna seem them check out my photos in the Randomzz! category

<33 hope you like um... if not.. too bad =)

you know how everyone always wishes they could go home during a school day. kinda like if one person goes home sick the other is like ... i wanna go home sick. which is really stupid because most of the time they wouldnt want to deal with the pain and grossness that the sick person is dealing with but whatever.

i just went home sick today and lets just say id rather be healthy and in school. by FAR! because not only am i in killerrr pain but im also bored beyond my mind! nobody is home to talk to.. i cant leave my bead w/o feeling lightheaded and ready to vomit. and now my dad went to work so i have nobody to even ask if im ok. well ok yes i do ... my grandparents are only a call away and theyd be here within like 3 minutes or so but still.

this is about the closest im gonna get to human interaction until after 3ish. which is totally not fair cuz its like getting punished for being sick by having nothing to do. and on top of that knowing my mom when she gets home she'll kick me off the computer bc she always says that if im sick enough to miss school im too sick to use the comp too. but w/e ill just use it till she gets out of work... no biggie.

anddd on top of all that i cant eat anything today! i cant eat and i cant go to the gym.. which i guess is like eating and going to the gym but still i love the gym.. and i love eating. and i cant do either bc if i do ill end up sitting over a trashcan again. =( im not gonna make that sound graphic or anything.

i know nobody is gonna wanna read this because its wayyy too long but idc because the only reason im writing it is to get this all out of my system without talking to myself. which if you think really hard thats what blogs are. theyre a "normal" way of talking to urself. because most people who do keep blogs im sure are just doing it to let things out and make sure all the feelings dont build up and they seem weird if they just talk without anyone around or not to anyone so they write to nobody, or themselves.

well idc i will willingly talk to myself. i mean not in public or anything. but if im home alone or in my room at night and everyone else is sleeping and ive got something to get off my chest then i just do it. i yell at nobody or vent to nobody or act out a situation by myself that would make me feel better. it may seem weird or abnormal but try it sometime it really helps.

another thing ive gotta say is ... never i mean NEVER tell someone not to cry! its so cruel! because crying is one of the best ways to let your emotions out. it helps you calm down because after you cry you can feel good again. like its all out of ur system when your tears got wiped away, so did your trouble or ur pain. so DONT tell someone to stop crying because for all you know it could be the best solution for their problem. and from plenty of experience telling them to stop just makes you cry more. so stop!

i have so many pet peevs i dont think its normal. but i mean its not like i express the majority of them. like with most of my friends i have at least one thing about them if not more that just sometimes on the wrong day really pisses me off. but i never express it. or not usually at least. but o well. im still one of the "nicest" people most of my friends know.. or at least thats what they tell me.

i think the best part of my day today was talking to one of my friends who is really like ... take standish like leaderish. she will take control of situations and if she's the leader or captain of something she takes it so seriously, which is of course a great quality. like our cheer squad and a few of our friends are all doing relay for life at our school together and this friend is the captain of our team. so the forms she said were due today, but at the least at least the money for the tshirts is because she needs to give that in tonight at the meeting. which is basically crucial to weather or not ur on the team. if you dont give her the money today ur screwed. and guess what! like hmm 1 cheerleader besides the ones in our grade that are part of our group of friends brought in the money and her forms. all the rest not only didnt bring anything in but they have completely IGNORED her. which ive gotta say has pissed her off soo much. and i love her for it. because she isnt standing for ANYTHING she's being flat out and honest about it. she sent out an email that was like "i really dont appreciate that you guys arent just telling me that you forgot the freakin forms you dont have to ignore me just tell me if youre not doing it im not gonna get mad but youre really ticking me off by ignoring me completely." and when i got that email i was just like "omg i really wanna send an email back being like I LOVE YOU!" but i refrained cuz i didnt want her to think she got an email from someone she needed to. but i told her this morning and i just idk it just made my day. she was so honest i loved it.

im about to be that way with out senior captain from this years squad. she was such a complete and total bitch thru the WHOLE year. she had nothing good to say about the coach or the assistant coach like everr. she thought everyone had ruined her senior year and that cheerleading was completely pointless this year. she made it soo much more miserable than it could have been by being so negative. i love our coach. she was my coach along with the two other girls in my grade in 8th grade and she was the nicest person ever. and i really did not appreciate how this girl talked about her when more people hated her than the coach. so i talked to the coach recently and she told me everything that was happening and why she hadnt been in contact and i was ready to murder the captain girl. she lied about EVERYTHING she made everything look like the coach's fault when she was trying her hardest for the team and i was just PISSED. but w/e mayb ill email her later or something. im really really mad at her and im not gonna take it anymore! i refuse!

i know like nobodys gonna read this because its like a novel but w/e. bye

this sunday is my year anniversary with my boyfriend and i have never been more excited.i love him so much and i feel like this year has just flown by.

when i look back on past boyfriends ive had i realized how horrible of a girlfriend i really was. this is my first relationship that i didnt know what was gonna happen. with all my past boyfriends ive been able to predict how long they are going to last and ive been the one basically in control of the break-ups. im not proud of my past but i can't really say im ashaimed of it. i refuse to say that right now because i am not that type of person. the people i went out with might not be the perfect people in some ways but they were nice to me and they cared... or at least acted like they did. someday im sure those boys will find the right girl for them, i just obviously wasnt the one.

however, im also not one to look at the future this far ahead of time when it involves guys. i cant say im gonna spend the rest of my life with someone because ill admit, im basically just scared. i know to most people one year might not sound like a long time but for me and my boyfriend both it is quite an accomplishment. also while neither of us could predict this was going to last so long, we both had the feeling that this relationship was gonna be different than our past ones. each day i see him he seems to make me fall farther and farther and im not complaining at all.

i cant wait to see how things go from here... i just know things can only get even better =)

why do people live in the past? why do people live in the future? how come so few people live in the present? here and now thats where you live. tomorrow is not when youre living because if you havent realized tomorrow never comes... why is that because with each day ... a tomorrow follows. clever huh? not really... common sense is more like it.

but with living in the past it's different. thats because the past did happen.. there is a definate day in the past. like march 11 1987 will always be that day and nothing else. but o well.. idk why that came to my mind. i guess its just another reason to live in the present not the past or the future you know? well adios